I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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