you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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