SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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