ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
