I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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