Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
