dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Who did Billy Mays play for?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
