Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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