I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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