The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
