well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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