Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize