before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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