Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
