haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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