Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
