it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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