So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize