think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
