they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it's like heaven, but drunker
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize