When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
