I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
