I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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