I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my shit smells like andre
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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