either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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