To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
