maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
