alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
