So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she told me i tasted like america
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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