The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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