Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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