On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
