He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
