So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
