Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
