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there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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