lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
