Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
ok first of all what the fuck
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
