The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wear drunk well.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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