i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
