In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The ass gains better be worth it
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