GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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