WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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