Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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