I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
