she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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