Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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