I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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