no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
