I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
