AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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