erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
