Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
