i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
