we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
