i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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