this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
