he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
