I don't usually arrange sex via text message
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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