I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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