ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
