i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
