she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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