How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
