i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
