I hate all girls vehemently.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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