is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
