phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
