"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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