I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
