i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
